Elephant Bathing

Usually, when someone mentions elephants, your mind automatically jumps to the sweeping planes of Africa. Zebras and lions may also be lounging in the corners of your imanginative scene at this very moment. 

But Asia has elephants too!!!!

Luang Prabang is the very best place in southeast asia to get one-on-one time with one of these magestic creatures. Why is LP the best? Because the elephants are gorgeous, healthy, and treated well: not once did our mahout resort to force with our girl. For $20, it's possible to go for a ride on the back of an elephant (or if you're lucky, thier neck) and then hop into the river for some bathing and frolicking.

Laos Roads

It’s not that things are terribly far apart in Southeast Asia. It’s that the roads are so damn bad it’s not possible to drive faster than 20 miles per hour. Consistent pavement begins to seem like a treat. And after a while it doesn’t matter how beautiful the scenery is, you just want to get the hell off the bus.

Oh, and just because your tour agency assures you the bus is VIP and has a bathroom, it doesn’t mean it will. You’re better off buying the cheapest ticket you can find, they’re all for the same thing anyway.

Blue Lagoon

For an afternoon respite from drinking in Vang Vieng head to the Blue Lagoon. 6 km outside of town, towards the mountains, is a popular swimming spot called the Blue Lagoon. The name comes from the turquoise water of the slow moving river (or was it a pond?). 

There are small huts for relaxing and mats for sun bathing. A dip in the lagoon is refreshingly cool. And if you get bored, you can climb up to a cave in the mountainside.

It's Vang Vieng

Laos is said to be a quiet, sleepy country. You won’t get hassled by Tuk-Tuk drivers or street vendors. It’s easy to see most of the country in a week or 10 days. That is only, however, if you survive Vang Vieng.

VV is the party capitol of the entire country – perhaps one of the top spots in the whole of Southeast Asia. While there are lots of activities for the non-alcoholics, getting wasted (again and again) is name of the game in Vang Vieng. And you have your choice of where to do so.

The riverside is the spot for those with an early thirst. It gets going around 1 pm and lasts until nightfall – but be careful making your way back along the unlit and unmarked banks in the dark. Along the river, bars that are little more than wooden docks jut out into the river. It’s easiest to swim from bar to bar and they staff are more than willing to throw you a line and pull you in. If budget isn’t a concern, you can rent a tube rather than swim. At every new bar, you are given a bright bracelet and a free shot.

When the riverside dies down, it’s back to town for a shower, a sandwich, and….a bucket. Cups be damned. Drinks in Vang Vieng are served in small buckets, like the ones you see children playing with at the beach. The best spots in town for finding free buckets: Sakura, Smile Bar, and of course, Bucket Bar. Again be warned: if they let you pour your own bucket, don’t make it straight up. The liquor is really cheap and you will shortly find yourself blacking out, being escorted back to your hotel, and waking up with the spins.

Vang Vieng is not for the faint of heart (or liver).

Goodbye Vietnam

Southern Vietnam is beautiful. But the north can be skipped. Should be. Maybe it’s the cold weather, but the people in northern Vietnam and around Hanoi are just vicious. I wouldn’t say the Vietnamese were known for their friendliness, but the northerners raise that sentiment to an artform. A friend of mine was hit by a moto when she was standing on the ‘sidewalk’, and they didn’t even stop to apologize.

From Hanoi, many people bid farewell to Vietnam and head West to Laos. The bus from Hanoi to Vang Vieng takes 28 hours. And don’t expect to get any sleep: the crew has no qualms about waking you up and moving you so that they can make room for a package they just picked up and will deliver in another few hours. Only in Vietnam is a package more important than a passenger. And like everything else relating to buses, “direct bus” is a flexible term.

Treking in Sapa

When you think of Vietnam, one of the first things that comes to mind is rice. Indeed, it’s mind boggling to see where the ingenuitive people can squeeze a paddy into. But for sweeping views of mountains covered in tier after tier of rice paddies, you need to head to Sapa.

Sapa is a mountain town that has managed to capitalize on the tourist’s desire to experience authentic Vietnam without totally destroying the authentic part. Yes, Sapa Town is crowded with high-rise hotels and trendy wifi cafes… but that is where the development stops. Guided by one of the many available tribes women, a trek into the hills of Sapa gets you away from anything more high tech than the occasional motorbike. Don’t be surprised if your guide is joined by a chatting cohort of other local women….they’re happy to follow along and answer any questions, but when you stop for lunch, they will badger you endlessly to buy a nick nack.

The hills of Sapa are exactly what the sick-of-overdeveloped-Vietnam-backpacker is looking for. The hills are quiet and misty, the trek is a nice chance for some exercise, the homestay is comfortable, and the food is good.

Halong Bay

One of the most iconic images of northern Vietnam is Halong Bay. Limestone mountains rise out of the turquoise waters, shadowing the floating fishing villages and cruising boats of the bay. This time of year, the bay is cloaked in semi-permanent fog, making the bay a calm, eerie place. It’s hard to tell exactly when a mountain will emerge, looming out of the mists. There is no wind, and the fog muffles any sounds from the other boats.

Motorcycle Drive By

I will try to explain this as plainly as possible:

Christine (a friend) and I rented a moto for the day to see the Tombs of Hue. I was driving. I have been driving motorcycles for the past 10 years, if not for that, things could have ended differently. I’m pretty sure my experience as a driver saved someone’s life today. But I’ll get to that. Just know that there were two passengers on each bike.

Our first stop was the Esplanade on the south side of town. In front of the Esplanade, the road ends in a T. There is little traffic control in Vietnam, the few lights and signs are apparently optional. There was very light traffic when we arrived at the intersection; I made a slow and wide right turn, making sure to signal. As we were almost out of the turn, another moto came up behind our left.

I saw them coming, and noticed they were going too fast – their turn was taking them right towards us. I sharpened my turn, veering right. It was as much as I dared with Christine on the back. Still, they collided with us at the angle of 2 o’clock, knocking into front of the bike, between the steering column and front wheel.

The collision forced my handlebars, knocking me off course and compromising our balance. Either the collision or the resulting wobble knocked Christine off the back of the bike. Falling off at this time may have saved her right leg from serious damage, but again, I’m getting ahead of myself. At the time, I only remember seeing her fly off and worrying about where, and how, she had fallen.

Because of their speed, the other bike was now in front of us. They were wobbling as well, and a moment after Christine, the woman on the back fell off and was summersaulting as she tumbled to a stop. I had just about regained control of my bike when I saw her go. Even though I was breaking, I was heading directly for her: I was about 3 feet away from running over her head. In an instant, I realized I had only one option if I didn’t want to kill her…

It is amazing how quickly the brain can process information. In less than a second I realized that in order to avoid the woman on the ground, I would have to turn my bike so sharply that I would fall. Because the distance was so close, even the turn may not be enough to avoid her completely. I knew that Christine had already fallen off, so I could do what I had to without putting the bike down on top of her. I steeled myself, made the turn, and kicked the bike out from under me, slamming the bike and me onto our right side, breaking, and desperately hoping this added friction would be enough to stop the bike before I collided into her. I didn’t have time to worry about my own body.

I felt myself bounce off the dirt. The bike came to a stop. My front wheel was literally resting on the top of her helmet. Another foot, another few inches, and I would have run over her.

The woman had a bloody nose from her fall. Christine had landed in the middle of the busy street and has a nasty patch of road rash on her left calf. If she hadn’t fallen off when she did, I would have had to dump the bike on top of both of us. Because she was on the back, her right leg would have taken most of the impact if I had. I asked her about it later, and she says she has no idea why she fell then. I have a few scrapes and bruises on my shins. The driver of the other bike has nothing but the knowledge that he is a shitty driver.

One of the most remarkable things about the accident was the reaction it didn’t cause. No one came over to see if everyone was okay. They didn’t call the cops. They didn’t even seem particularly interested. Finally another English-speaking moto driver named Ti showed up and helped me exchange information. While Christine was dressing her rash, he asked the few bystanders what they had seen. It turned out the other driver was completely at fault. “It was their fault. I told them to run away,” Ti explained to us.

Strangers

Travelling in SEA, it is not unusual to find yourself sleeping in a dorm with 8 other people you've never met.

But the best option is to find one or two other travelers and spring for a hotel room. The average accommodation ranges from $8 to $15 per night. There may be one or two beds, and there may or may not be hot water.

Conditions vary widely. As do the English abilities and friendliness of the staff. The Vietnamese are not known for their hospitality skills.

Night Dive

After several days in the sun and surf, you have the option to mix things up by diving at night.

A reason to consider doing is the fact that many species on the reef are only active at night. It is possible to see lobsters, eels, and fish that only come out after dark. There is also the added element of suspense: you never know what could be looming out in the deep dark water.

If there was one person that would love diving at night, it's Chelsea Cote.

Diving

The diving in Nha Trang is the best in Vietnam. So they say.

The water is clear and warm, the coral is stunning, and the fish are friendly. Vinadive has the cheapest prices in town and arguably some of the friendliest staff: you may find yourself being invited to coffee or being tutored in Vietnamese. But watch out: you may also be thrown into the water during an unguarded moment.

Diving five days in a row is exhausting but rewarding. The types of fish you may see include:
lionfish
cuttlefish
triggerfish
angel fish
clown fish
starfish
yellow damsels
sturgeon
puffer fish
and more.

Hungover

It doesn't matter where you are in the world. If you're hung over, even paradise is miserable.

Cheap Date

Nha Trang is no HCMC, but it's still a lot of fun. There is a decent backpacker scene and during happy hour, beers sell for less than a buck. I spent only $2 last night, but somehow managed to get spinningly drunk off free shots at various bars.

On my to do list today: advil and coconuts on the beach - the best hangover cure SEAsia has to offer.

Cu Chi Tunnels

Northwest of HCMC are the remnants from an area devastated during the Vietnam War (The American War as they call it here).

You can visit B52 bomb craters as well as crawl around it tunnels used by the Viet Com.

Another highlight is that for less than $20 you can fire an AK47 or M16. I opted for the AK47 and my shoulder is still sore.

Sexy and I know it

After a long day hiking around in 90degree weather, you want a shower. Or an ice bath.

When I got back to my hostel, I realized I'd lost the key to my locker. 'No problem,' I thought to myself, 'The front desk will have a key.' After a few moments, someone came up with a ring of keys and tried them one by one on the lock. None of them worked. And so they disappeared and a few minutes later came back with another ring of keys. Again, none of them worked. They gave me a wave and disappeared again.

After another 10 minutes, they returned. This time, they had only a screw driver and scissors. Oh wonderful. Now, half an hour had passed and I'm running late for drinks with that unfairly attractive Argentinian.

I've got to shower, so I beg some shampoo off another backpacker and hop in the shower. As soon as I'm done, I realize I don't have a towel. With no other options, I sacrafice an entire roll of toilet paper to drying myself as much as I can.

Kerfuffled, moist, and makeup-free. I maked my way to our rondezvous point. No sooner do I sit down then the Argentinian leans over, plucks a small white crumble of paper off my back and asks 'What's this?'.

HCMC

Saigon, more recently known as Ho Chi Minh City, is the second largest city of Vietnam. It's streets are lined with tall trees and trendy shops, parks line the river front, and busy markets spill over from side streets. It's a great place for a backpacker.

Especially when you meet an absolutely gorgeous Argentinian who efficiently manages to be a very bad influence on you. I swear their kind have magic powers: they are just so damn charming.

In situations like that, you find yourself cursing your bad luck that you are staying in a dorm room. So unfortunately, there is no happy ending to this tale. At least not yet..... it's a small world and who knows who you may bump into down the road. Here's hoping.

Mekong Delta

If you want to feel like an explorer in a lost time, head to the Mekong Delta. At the center sits the vibrant town of Can Tho. The people are friendly and the town is full of delicous restaurants and quirky cafes.

For more authenticity, its easy to rent a small boat for a half day tour of the river and surrounding delta. Your first stop, if you're willing to meet the 5 am departure time, is the floating market. The floating market is exactly what it sounds like: there, farmers display their fruits and veggies in heaped in huge piles that fill their boat.